Right now, if I had to sum up my friendships in three words, they’d be: deep, happy, and sporadic. And while I treasure the first two, that last one—sporadic—sometimes sits heavy on my heart.
A little backstory: after welcoming my daughter Ella, now four, my husband Max and I moved from our familiar hometown of San Jose to a smaller, quieter agricultural town. The slower pace is refreshing, the neighborhoods feel safe, the taquerias are incredible, and best of all, the houses are finally within our budget. The catch? This new chapter placed me an hour away from all the women in my life who truly feel like home.
For the first couple of years, with only one child and a bit more free time, that 60-minute drive to San Jose for lunch with friends didn’t seem daunting. But life has changed. Ella now has her own circle of daycare friends, our calendar fills up with birthday parties and playdates, and—oh yes—we welcomed a second child, Emiliano, an irresistibly kissable little squish. Coordinating childcare between grandparents, juggling work, and trying to find a day when my equally busy friends are free feels, well, nearly impossible.
Our group text? It’s basically a chaotic meme of conflicting schedules and missed opportunities.
So, in this whirlwind, I’ve doubled down on two strategies to keep my friendship well from running dry.
1. The Random Phone Call
I’ll text a friend just five minutes before a rare pocket of free time and ask if they’re up for a quick chat. Sometimes I even cold call! Half the time, the stars align and we get to gab. I’ve been doing this weekly with my best friend Angela while I stroll around my neighborhood or tend my garden. These calls—sometimes five minutes, sometimes a glorious 30—have become a lifeline. I’ve learned her favorite weeknight meal (chopped Greek salad), heard about her work stress (tariffs!), and caught up on why she missed her grandmother’s birthday dinner (a nasty cold). These small daily details, shared across the miles, weave us closer together. Each call leaves me feeling lighter, recharged, and connected.
2. Embracing Friend Dates With Kids
I adore quality one-on-one time with friends, but scheduling it these days feels like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. So I’ve embraced a new normal: friend dates where the kids come along. Surprisingly, my childfree friends are totally game. I invite them over for brunch or meet up for a picnic in the park. Sure, conversations get interrupted—a lot—as I chase after Ella mid-jungle gym jump or soothe Emiliano’s fussiness. Early on, I felt self-conscious, apologizing repeatedly with “Hold on one sec!” But then I reminded myself: these are the women who held me when my heart broke, stood beside me at my wedding, and rallied with meals after I gave birth. They want to be with me, messy, loud, kid-filled moments and all. Who am I to shut that door?
Friendships, I’ve learned, are as beautiful as they are challenging. They ebb and flow, evolving as life’s seasons change. The way my friends and I spend time now is different from before, but these new rhythms—imperfect, joyful, real—are exactly what we need.
So, I’m curious: How are your friendships these days? Are you in a season filled with regular meet-ups, or are work and life obligations keeping you busy? Have you moved somewhere new and found yourself starting from scratch? I’d love to hear your stories and how you’re keeping connection alive. Because no matter where life takes us, friendship remains one of our most precious lifelines.
