A Super Bowl…of Spicy Queso

One of the first recipes I learned how to cook was queso. One of the first critters I almost killed was an armadillo. That’s growing up in Texas, sweetcheeks. (My car thumped over the armadillo. He was fine, honestly. That shell!)

My childhood queso recipe was simple: Slice a wobbly inch of Velveeta from the brick and put it in a microwave-safe bowl. Add a splash of milk, and microwave until melted. Mix and eat in front of the TV with Tostitos.

As I’ve grown older, however, life has gotten more complicated. Queso, too. The most elaborate, razzle-dazzle queso I ever made was Rick Martinez’s recreation of the Texas icon, “Bob Armstrong.” It combines picadillo, queso, guacamole, and pico de gallo in one giant bowl — and it works. No maximalist charcuterie board has come close to blowing my mind like Bob.

Still, one needs a basic house queso. A dip that can appear, almost magically, with a basket of never-ended chips, in the same way it does in the finest of eating establishments. It’s for big football game holidays, end-of-a-long-week Fridays, and everything in between. I made this on New Year’s Eve, and my Michigan buds were thrilled. I made it for book club with margaritas, which fueled a lively discussion. For a dairy-centric culture, Midwesterners are surprisingly lacking in good restaurant queso; I have to fill the void.

I’ve moved on to real cheese from my Velveeta days, though it still holds a dear (and possibly medically permanent) place in my heart. I play with add-ins, but I do need a spicy component, whether it’s a pinch of cayenne, chipotles in adobo, or chopped fresh jalapeño. A little can go a long way, but a kick helps balance the richness of the cheese to keep everyone coming back for more.

The essential components, no substitutions allowed:
– Cheese. A giant block of Monterey Jack but pepper jack or cheddar also work (I shred it in my food processor on Sundays as “meal prep” lol). Store-shredded cheese is the enemy as it is coated in stuff that can lead to grainy queso.
– Milk. Whole milk. The other stuff is too watery and we’re already committed to full dairy here so stay on task.
– A roux. Since you’re using real cheese, versus Velveeta or American, you need to whisk some butter and flour together in the pan in order to make a smooth queso.

Optional, but recommended, spicy kick:
– RO-TEL or canned hatch chiles, if you damn well please!
– A scoop of chopped chipotles in adobo sauce, if you damn well please!
– A topping of fresh jalapeños, cilantro, or pico de gallo, if you damn well please!

If you don’t eat dairy, my particular recipe has no substitutions that will do it for you, but I understand your plight. There’s good news, though, because Jo contributor Carey Polis has a great two-ingredient dip that’s in the same flavor neighborhood — with fatty cashews blended with chipotles in adobo, a brilliant party trick I’ve made countless times.

My biggest queso struggle is how to keep it hot. I can’t buy a fondue pot, I just can’t. Maybe one of those heated bases for coffee mugs? Is this a billion-dollar market in the making? For now, my solution is to serve it in a heat-retaining ceramic or stoneware pottery bowl of a relatively modest size. Then I keep extra on the stove and add milk to thin as it rewarms. Or you can hope your guests will do their jobs correctly by just eating the queso before it’s cooled.

House Queso
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1-3 chipotles in adobo sauce, finely chopped
1 garlic clove, finely chopped (optional)
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour)
1.5-2 cups of whole milk (or more as needed)
8 oz. Monterey Jack cheese, shredded (by you! Not pre-shredded, see above
Salt, to taste

In a medium saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the chopped chipotles and garlic, and mix them around until fragrant, but don’t let the garlic burn, just 1 minute or so. Whisk in the flour and let it cook off its dusty raw flavor for another 2 minutes or so. (Err on the side of too long so the sauce thickens correctly.) Slowly whisk in the milk and then let it warm up but not boil. When it looks like it’s fixin’ to boil, whisk in a handful of cheese until incorporated, then another handful…and another until it’s a good queso consistency for your soul. Do NOT let the queso come to a boil or it will break and become grainy. Add more milk if it’s too thick. Taste with a chip and add salt if needed. Serve hot, and happily.

Make ahead: You can make this ahead and store in the fridge. Reheat over low (no microwaving!) and add milk because it’ll probably be thick from the fridge. I’ve frozen it before with questionable results, depending on how long it froze and how desperate you are for hot cheese.

More Super Bowl recipes for those who celebrate:
* Self-serve baked beans
* Artichoke dip pizza
* The easiest party appetizer
* Ruffles and onion dip
* Homemade cheese straws
* A potato salad trick
* Three strategic starters
* How to build a charcuterie board
* How to build the perfect cheese tray
* Monochromatic fruit salad
* The best boxed brownies
* Batch cocktails
* The most fun host gift
Plus, a fun one-rule game for parties